We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You're like the curious george of whores
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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