Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
