Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
