if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
