and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
