Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
