theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
