peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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