Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
