I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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