Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
