I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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