You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
