Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
