Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
