I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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