That's when you crack a 10am beer
I skipped work to stalk him.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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