I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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