It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
