I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
