Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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