4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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