Already got asked if we're dating
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
