My friends, they love my intelligence
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
His hands were made for my vagina.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
