weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
