Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
