She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
