it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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