you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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