I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I fill condoms, not promises.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
