I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
