why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
that may or may not have been my penis.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
