I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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