I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
