First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Sorry about my life...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize