just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
