i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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