The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
