just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
