Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
