Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
50% drunk capacity currently
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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