i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
