Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
