i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
