this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
