This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
