WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
