at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
