I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
