i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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