somebody snuck up and got me drunk
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
