i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize