I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I smell like Dick and happiness
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
