I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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