I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
