Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
