So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
