I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
