Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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