Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
