Pants 0. Shit 1.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
