I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you win again, gameday.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
