i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
as a side note pls kill me
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
