i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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