You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
