based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
