I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
