you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
