bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I will pee on everything he values.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
