you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
