Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
