last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
not ubering you a puppy
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