maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
