I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
