so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
