just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
