i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
