the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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