In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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